5 Years in a Blended Family: From Cloud 9 to Real Life
If we aren’t whole, how can we expect our family to be whole?
Using a roller coaster as an analogy for our relationship, both as a couple and as parents, would be an understatement. We have had countless ups and downs throughout this journey, but I think I can speak for both of us when I say it has all been worth it. From battles with mental health to countless experiences as we travel, we have grown much stronger as a family and as a team. Over time, we’ll dive deeply into many specific events, but for now, here are some key moments that might resonate with other couples or families in similar positions. Our hope is to help others avoid some of our pitfalls and enjoy some of the life-changing events we’ve experienced.
Coming Down Off the Cloud: Adjusting After the Honeymoon Phase in Marriage?
From experience and talking with others, we know the post-honeymoon period can be one of the toughest stages in a relationship. Many businesses fail in their first year because they’re not prepared for the challenges that lie ahead. Similarly, marriages can be blindsided by the intensity of real life. We dove headfirst into our marriage on a pink cloud, and suddenly, real life began to emerge. Old traumas resurfaced for us and the children, financial issues arose, and then the pandemic hit. We were faced with overwhelming factors that became a part of our daily lives – challenges that I think would have broken many relationships.
Here’s what kept us strong through it all:
Willingness to Do Whatever It Takes:
We constantly reminded each other why we started this journey. From counseling to giving each other space for self-improvement, we put everything on the table. For us, friendship came first, and we had to remember that foundation.
Appreciating Differences:
Our friendship is based on balance. As yin and yang, we are different but complementary. It took a lot of work to embrace those differences rather than try to change each other. People change when they’re ready, not when we want them to.
Avoiding Comparisons:
Comparison truly is the thief of joy. Our lives and journey are unique, and that’s the beautiful part. When we accepted that every moment isn’t filled with roses but can still teach us, things became easier.
Prioritizing Our Relationship, Even Over Parenting:
While it may be controversial, we prioritize our relationship even over parenting. If we aren’t whole, how can our family be whole? This commitment strengthens everything else in our lives.
Practicing Grace and Forgiveness:
There is no perfection. Disappointments will happen, but giving each other room to fail and grow has been essential.
Failing to Plan is Planning to Fail: The Importance of Building Family Routines
As a blended family, we had to start planning. We know that life rarely goes exactly as planned, but a foundation helps. Setting routines and organizing family activities has given us structure, kept us connected, and reduced the unexpected stresses of everyday life.
Some key planning steps we follow:
Use a Family Calendar:
We include everything – children’s events, work commitments, family gatherings, and vacations. This keeps us all on the same page.
Create Daily and Weekly Routines:
From bedtime to family meetings, routines help everyone know what to expect.
Schedule Time for Fun and Stillness:
We make time for both, allowing space for rest and joy together.
Plan Partner and Family Meetings:
Regular check-ins keep everyone aligned and allow us to adjust as needed.
Prioritize Self-Care:
Both together and separately, we set aside time for self-care. It keeps us grounded and refreshed for family life.
It’s easy to become overwhelmed, but we learned that consistency matters more than perfection. Our calendar isn’t about being perfect but about being present for each other and our family. Alarms and reminders help us keep on track. Adding things to our calendar immediately as they come up has been a lifesaver!
Embracing Imperfection and Having Fun Together
The biggest lesson we’ve learned is that life is serious – but not too serious. Fun is one of the most important parts of a strong family foundation. It may seem small, but finding joy in simple, everyday moments has helped us connect on a deeper level. We encourage each other to embrace imperfections, laugh often, and give grace to ourselves and each other. Family life is a journey, and enjoying the ride makes it all the more worthwhile.
Final Thoughts
Building a Stronger Blended Family
Our journey hasn’t been easy, but it has been rewarding. We hope these insights can help others navigate their own journeys in love, marriage, and family life. Have you experienced similar challenges in your relationship or blended family? Share your story in the comments below, and let’s support each other on this journey!
Incorporating these strategies can help families at any stage. We’re grateful for each challenge and every joy, and we’re excited to share more about our life and learn from your stories too.
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Let’s keep blending together!.
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